I keep having those.
And it's almost as if each time the dream usually starts out about something good: family, dance, the orphanage in China that we visited...But then a fog of doubt and evil intentions comes out of nowhere to taint it all. And it never gets resolved because I keep waking up.
But this last time was different. Instead of me shaking myself awake, I was helped somehow. In the dream, I was overcome with anxiety about wasting my summer on television, sleep, video games, and excuses in the form of "I don't feel like it." The reality I was going to wake up to was so heavily weighing down on me that I didn't want to wake up. Summer is ending, which means I'm running out of time on dental applications and DAT studying. And even though it would be better to attack those tasks, I desperately want to avoid it. I wanted to listen to the voice that said "I deserve this break" and "It feels good to rest", even though I physically didn't need that rest at all. I lost the battle to resist those lies the first few times. But then a stronger voice of truth told me, "WAKE UP!"
I not only sat up in bed, but walked straight out of that room.
There are times when we can be so blinded by doubt, fear, and anxiety that we get trapped in a twisted dream. In that dream, Satan plays with reality by telling you to "do what feels right" because you "deserve it". In that dream, it may seem as if you are winning but when you get to the finish line you realize how much you have been loosing. The lies to keep us in that dream are very convincing and play to our heart's desires in a way that gets us to the prize faster, easier...only to take more away.
It's time to WAKE UP! Not by our own will or self-discipline, but by God. He is the truth that we need to hear!
I've been muddling my way around this summer, doubting the gifts He has given and the vision for ministry. It is easy to listen to those fears and deny God's plan especially when it comes from Godly people. But God cannot be quieted down.
"Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."
James 1:16-18
When we have doubt or fear, it doesn't mean we are weak...just that we are human. But we cannot forget or deny who God is and how He has chosen us. I needed that reminder. My responsibilities and to do list may seem overwhelming (and it is on my own). But we are not alone. And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Nothing.
