It seems so good. Everything will be made right if you just give in. No other action could fulfill you like this. You will be happier. Just give in. Don't worry, God will forgive you. It's just this tiny little thing. But it can make a world of difference. You can't stop now.
Those convincing arguments of temptation ring so loudly in my ears that the only escape always seems to be to give in. I know God doesn't want me to, but those other words keep pressing and pressing. I feel like I am in a one-way tunnel, pushed by some invisible force to keep walking closer and closer to the edge, and I can't turn back. Then those whispers of happiness and fulfillment start to make sense and I find myself no longer forced to the edge, but running towards it.
I take that leap of faith, jumping fully off the edge into what looked light the greatest joy I could attain. But the joy turns into a dark abyss. I am no longer in a peaceful place, but a nightmare. Guilt, regret, shame overwhelm my whole being. My heart sinks down, so heavy from the burden of my sins. And I'm trapped.
If God were to stand next to me right now, I would turn my face away in embarrassment. How could I face Him after I have failed? How could I take his grace and forgiveness for granted? Why am I so stupid?! I could study for 5 hours straight and wake up at 4 in the morning everyday. I have discipline and control, but for some reason no matter what I do I keep falling short in this. Why can't I control this?
And then He reminds me. I can't. No amount of will power or self discipline could have gotten me out of temptation. Only God. Only He whose has truly overpowered the darkness could pull me out now. I thought I could regulate my time of watching t.v. and replace it with quiet times and devotionals. I thought I could limit contact with my ex who pulls me closer to lust. I thought that if I could fix these things in my life, then I would be fine. But I can't.
Out of the dark walls of my solitude and shame, I hear a voice (different from before). It doesn't sound like it's trying to convince me to believe, it just exists as truth. And I hear it saying, "I love you."
I love you?...Love me? To love me would be impossible if He knew who I truly was. If He saw how many times I fail and can't control my own body. But I hear it again. "I love you."
And then I remember who I am. I am a child of God. Adopted and not abandoned, despite my brokenness. Relieved and forgiven. Because of His grace and love and truth, He is. Because of His grace and love and truth, I am.
We are not traitors for accepting His forgiveness of our sins. The shame and regret are not from God. They are used as traps to wall ourselves off from God. We don't have to feel the weight of our sin and shame because Jesus already did.
We live in redemption. And even though we all stumble, God doesn't. And He adopts us knowing we are on a journey of transformation and understanding His grace and truth. He knows.
So when we wake up after being scammed by those false promises of temptation, we know there are true promises of forgiveness and life waiting for us. Even more so, we know that the one-way tunnel towards sin does not exist. It was abolished by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He saves us. So let's rely on His strength to get us out of there.
