My closest friends can testify that I can be very legalistic sometimes (especially concerning my temptations and struggles in faith). I try to prevent harm by making very strict rules (much like a pharisee), and then try not to disrupt this "ideal world" I created. But the truth is that this is not the "ideal world". And I didn't account for the times when I broke the rules. In my system, there is no grace. But in God's plan, there is. How beautiful is that!
I've started to reflect on my singleness in God as the 6 months of my commitment are almost up. I wonder, "What if God calls me out of singleness earlier or much much later or never?" I didn't account for this in my plan. So part of me wanted to say about the first situation, "NO! I will stick out these 6 months and people are just going to have to wait!" (like there are any people waiting, hahah). But I forget to account for God's sovereignty and will in my life. hmmmm...sounds familiar.
When making commitments or expressing the desires of our hearts, we must always take into account God. HE (not us) knows what is truly best for us. The best may not be what we thought was good for us. Like failing OChem or starting a relationship or living single forever. I may not think those things are good for me, and I may even try to prevent all of them. But God's sovereignty and wisdom trumps my rules and wishes.
When I speak of God's sovereignty and will in my life, mercy and love must be included. We do not believe in a God who enjoys messing up our lives for his enjoyment. We believe in a God who created us and desires to see us grow in a way that will build us up and not break us down. To accept God's sovereignty is to accept God's character as a loving Father who knows best. That love can be tough love too! When we disobey Him or run away from Him, He is patient and forgiving--but there is also a limit to His grace. Our God is not to be messed with.
And that includes me making my rules. It is not about the length of time or number of lessons learned. Singleness is a gift to grow in relationship with Jesus. So I will take every year and day and second that I can, and thank God for His blessings. I commit not to a number of days, but rather to a trust relationship with God. Wherever He leads me, I will go (including my singleness). And I will hold onto this new perspective because He is good. He is so good to me.
