I now know why I felt so far from you. I did it.
Self-inflicted, completely conscious disobedience.
Sin- selfishly choosing away from You to please myself.
But I do not feel pleasure. I'm left alone and disappointed, wondering was that worth chasing after?
To choose sin is to push myself farther from the Perfect You.
To feel the consequences of despair and abandonment.
To become numb to the voice calling me back to You, as I run farther and farther away.
Forget.
Do not remember.
Dive deeper into this grave I've made for myself. Let me suffocate in the earth. Let me waste away besides the rocks and worms. No one will have to bury me after. My tears will water the plants above and I will sleep deep in the darkness.
Good night.
Chosen
My eyes fly open.
Beloved
Oxygen fills my lungs.
Known
I look around the abyss for the source: a small light overhead blinding, but mesmerizing.
Worthy
I find my arms pulling me upwards, past the rocks, worms, roots...higher and higher with my heart quickening and my lungs filling more easily.
I break the surface and feel the warmth of the light.
Daughter, I've been looking for you and calling out your name. Why are you covered in mud when I have determined to make you clean? Remember and never forget how much I love you, how much I delight in you.
I turn around to see the man behind me, running. And even though he is from a long way off, I can hear Him panting, sandals slapping the dirt beneath. I'm thrown off balance as He throws His arms around me and kisses me on the head.
Natalie, you're home
